Nästan alla kritiker har dålig smak; såhär skrev DN:s Jane Magnusson i höstas om den självklara kultfilmen Pineapple Express . Senare under samma årstid skrev hon såhär om den briljanta filmen Zack and Miri Make a Porno.
Jag upptäckte för ett tag sen att denna "eminenta"kännare av komedier" har försökt sig på att skriva en egen. Googlar du på "Allt flyter" märker du rätt snabbt att det verkar ha gått åt helvete. Jag har som tur är inte sett filmen, men som jag förstår det verkar det centrala (och roliga) va att en man tar upp konstsim ("Det viktigaste är trots allt inte att skämten är roliga eller ens finns, utan att de absolut inte får innehålla underlivskopplingar."). Det är en relationskomedi ("Åh, då måste det va bra"); alla svenska komedier är relationskomedier. Fan för Sverige, ibland.
Då föredrar jag ju komedier som har en intressant handling, är gjorda av människor med talang, innehåller skickliga skådespelare och påfallande ofta har en stark koppling till Seth Rogen. Nu, mina favorite quotes från så kallade Seth Rogen-filmer:
"You know what, I know this isn't you talking, it's your hormones, but I would just like to say, fuck you, hormones! You are a crazy bitch, hormones. Not Alison! Hormones! Fuck 'em! It's a girl! Buy some pink shit!"
"You wanna know who I want to get pregnant? Felicity Huffman. Ever since I saw Transamerica, I can't get her out of my head."
"Ben: (After being waken, naked, in Alison's bed) Did we have sex?
Alison: Yeah.
Ben: Nice. "
"Alison: I'm pregnant.
Ben: Fuck off!
Alison: What?
Ben: What?
Alison: I'm pregnant.
Ben: Pregnant... with emotion?
Alison: Pregnant with a baby. "
"Sadie: Where do babies come from?
Debbie: Where do you think they come from?
Sadie: Well. I think a stork, he umm, he drops it down and then, and then, a hole goes in your body and there's blood everywhere, coming out of your head and then you push your belly button and then your butt falls off and then you hold your butt and you have to dig and you find the little baby.
Debbie: That's exactly right."
"I'm not crying. I just got something in both of my eyes. "
"
Fogell: Yo, guys! 'Sup?
Seth: Fogell, where have you been, man? You almost gave me a god damn heart attack. Let me see it. Did you pussy out or what?
Fogell: No-no, man. I got it, It is flawless. Check it!
Evan: [examining the fake ID] Hawaii. All right, that's good. That's hard to trace, I guess. Wait, you changed your name to...McLovin?
Fogell: Yeah.
Evan: McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?
Fogell: Naw, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there.
Seth: And you landed on McLovin?
Fogell: Yeah. It was between that or Muhammed.
Seth: Why the fuck would it be between that or Muhammed?! Why don't you just pick a common name like a normal person?
Fogell: Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once.
Evan: Fogell, have you actually ever met anyone named Muhammed?
Fogell: Have you actually ever met anyone named McLovin?
Seth: No, that's why you picked a dumb fucking name!
Fogell: Know what, fuck you, man.
Seth: Gimme that. All right, you look like a future pedophile in this picture, number 1. Number 2: it doesn't even have a first name, it just says "McLovin"!
Evan: What?! One name? One name? Wh--Who are you, Seal?
Seth: Fogell, this ID says that you're 25 years old. Why wouldn't you just put 21, man?
Fogell: Seth, Seth, Seth. Listen up, ass face. Every day, hundreds of kids go into the liquor store with fake IDs, and every single one says they're 21. How many 21-year-olds do you think there are in this town? It's called fucking strategy, all right?
Evan: Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's--It's a fine ID. It'll--It's gonna work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think "Here's another kid with a fake ID" or "Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor." Okay? So what's it gonna be?
Fogell: [grinning] I am McLovin!
Seth: No, you're not. No one's McLovin. McLovin's never existed because that's a made-up, dumb, fucking fairy tale name, you fuck! "
"It smells like God's vagina."
"BFFF?" "Best fucking friends forever man! "
"Hey look, it's like my thumb is my cock."
"Fuck Jeff Goldblum man!"
"See this? There's no hair under there (talking about his armpit). Makes me more aerodynamic when i fight! "
"What the fuck, man? You shot me in my stomach! I'mma die now, probably. Man, I had y'all over for dinner! Fish tacos! This is how you do me??? "
"Ted Jones messed with the wrong melon farmers "
"Zack Brown: How come you get to be all Buck Rogers, having sex in the 25th century with Twiki and Dr. Theopolis, and I'm stuck to a bottle of Jergen's in the bathroom?
Miriam Linky: Holy Bejeesus, tell me you don't use my Jergen's to whack it.
Zack Brown: No, you know what I do? I light a bunch of candles, and I sprawl out on my sheets, and I listen to Sting. No, I'm a guy. You give me two Popsicle sticks and a rubber band and I'll find a way to fuck it, like a filthy MacGuyver! "
"Zack Brown: [suggesting porn titles] Fuckback Mountain!
Miriam Linky: [makes a face]
Zack Brown: Too soon? "
"Miriam Linky: Nobody wants to see us fuck, Zack!
Zack: EVERYBODY wants to see ANYBODY fuck. I hate Rosie O'Donell, but if somebody said "I got a tape of Rosie O'Donell getting fucked stupid" I'd be like "Why the fuck aren't we watching that right now?" "
"Zack Brown: I don't mean to alarm you... but I think I just jerked off Lester a little bit.
Miriam Linky: The Dutch Rudder?
Zack Brown: Yeah! It's ingenious, really.
Miriam Linky: If you ask me nicely, I will Dutch Rudder you for the rest of our lives.
Zack Brown: Good. I'm getting tired of fuckin' a flashlight.
Miriam Linky: [laughing] You fucked it?
Zack Brown: Yeah.
Miriam Linky: What'd it feel like?
Zack Brown: ...fucking a flashlight"
"Mr. Surya: I hate you ebony and ivory motherfuckers! "
Och så citatet som mycket väl kan användas i alla situationer:
"Let us fuck!"
Och vill ni läsa en riktig filmskribent, så testa the Guardian's Peter Bradshaw; world champion of the world!
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